Kids' Brains Haven't Changed: So What Has?
Updated: 2 days ago
By David Krasky, Psy.S., School Psychologist and author of Raising Future Adults
Evolution is usually pretty slow. It's taken tens of thousands of years to develop language, critical thinking and the kind of cognitive processing you'd expect from a species who can put a man on the moon (and bring them back). So when parents state that children are different now when compared to previous generations, I remind them that their brains are developing at the same rate as our brains developed - and our parents' brains, and their parents' and so on.
Parents today are also told that children are different.
They have shorter attention spans.
They can't entertain themselves.
They seem more anxious.
They struggle to communicate face-to-face.
They need more reminders to do things for themselves.
They have difficulty tolerating boredom.
They become overwhelmed by relatively ordinary frustrations.
And sometimes we hear an even bigger explanation:
"Kids' brains have changed."
In one important sense, that's simply not true. The basic developmental architecture of children's brains has NOT been radically transformed over the past few generations. Children still need attachment, play, movement, sleep, social interaction, challenge, exploration, responsibility, novelty and opportunities to solve problems.
What has changed dramatically is the environment in which children's brains are developing.
Technology has changed.
Childhood has become more scheduled.
Academic expectations have increased. Free play has declined.
Face-to-face social experiences have been replaced, at least partially, by digital interaction. Adults often solve problems for children that previous generations were expected to handle themselves.
In other words:
The child's brain hasn't fundamentally changed. Childhood has.
And that distinction matters because it gives parents something they can actually do about it.
The Brain Develops Through Experience
Children don't simply develop because they get older. Their brains are continually shaped by the experiences they have. Everyday experiences provide opportunities to practice skills.
A child who has to figure out how to get along with another child is practicing social problem solving.
A child who forgets his lunch and has to figure out what to do next is practicing self-advocacy and problem solving.
A teenager who has a job is practicing time management, communication, responsibility and delayed gratification.
A child who is bored and has to figure out what to do is practicing initiation, creativity and self-directed activity.
A child who has to complete a household chore is practicing planning, persistence and follow-through.
These aren't simply "life experiences." They are brain-building experiences.
This is particularly important for executive functioning—the collection of skills that allows children and young adults to manage attention, emotions, impulses, time, organization, motivation and behavior. Executive skills don't magically appear when a child turns 18.
They develop through repeated opportunities to use them.
So What Has Changed?
1. Technology Has Changed Childhood
Today's children have access to an unlimited amount of stimulation.
A smartphone can provide entertainment, social interaction, information, games, videos and immediate answers within seconds. That isn't inherently bad. Technology is an extraordinary tool, and children need to learn how to use it
.
The concern is what happens when technology consistently replaces other developmental experiences.
If a child is bored, there is a screen.
If a child is frustrated, there is a screen.
If a family is waiting at a restaurant, there is a screen.
If siblings are arguing in the car, there is a screen.
If a teenager has nothing to do, there is social media.
The problem isn't simply screen time. It's what screen time is replacing.
A child CAN'T practice entertaining herself if she is never given the opportunity to be bored.
A teenager CAN'T practice navigating social discomfort if every uncomfortable moment can be escaped into a digital world.
A child CAN'T develop problem-solving skills if adults—or technology—immediately provide the answer.
Technology should be part of childhood. It shouldn't become a substitute for childhood.
2. Free Play Has Declined
Previous generations often had significantly more opportunities for unstructured play.
Kids Went Outside
They rode bikes, built forts and invented games
Kids Created
They felt bored, generated games and invented new things
Kids Had Freedom
They came home when the streetlights came on and wandered the neighborhood
Kids Practiced Social Skills
They argued, solved problems, etc.
These experiences weren't always pleasant. That's precisely why they were valuable.
Unstructured play requires children to negotiate, compromise, communicate, tolerate disappointment, resolve conflicts and create their own entertainment.
An adult wasn't necessarily standing nearby to solve every disagreement.
There was no coach explaining what to do next. There wasn't always a carefully designed enrichment activity. Kids had to figure things out. That is one of the ways children learn to become capable.
3. Social Time Has Become More Structured and Digital
Children still need friends. But simply being around other children isn't the same as having meaningful social experiences. A scheduled activity can be valuable, but there is a difference between participating in a 60-minute organized practice and spending an afternoon figuring out what to do with friends.
Unstructured social time requires children to make decisions:
"What should we do?"
"Who gets to go first?"
"Do you want to play this game or that one?"
"I'm mad at you."
"Let's figure this out."
These moments are laboratories for social development. Children learn that:
relationships require negotiation.
disagreements don't necessarily mean relationships are over.
how to read other people's reactions.
how to apologize.
when to compromise—and when not to.
Those skills become incredibly important in adulthood.
4. School Demands Have Increased
Children today are also navigating increasingly complex academic environments.
Many students are expected to manage homework, projects, extracurricular activities, tests, digital platforms, deadlines and increasingly sophisticated academic expectations.
There is nothing wrong with challenging children academically.
The problem occurs when academic achievement consumes so much of childhood that there is little time left to develop other forms of competence.
A child can earn excellent grades while still struggling to:
Make a doctor's appointment
Cook a simple meal
Manage money
Do laundry
Navigate a disagreement
Ask for help
Manage a schedule
Solve an unexpected problem
Enter an unfamiliar environment
Communicate with an adult
Recover from a mistake
These are also forms of intelligence. And they need practice.
5. We've Reduced Opportunities to Practice Executive Skills
Here's perhaps the biggest change of all. Adults are doing more for children.
We Remind Them To:
Finish homework, study, pack lunch, take a jacket, etc.
We Solve Their:
Problems, issues with teachers/friends, etc.
We Plan Their:
Social lives, meals, schedules, etc.
We solve problems before children even know there is a problem.
And we do it for understandable reasons.
We're trying to help, protect them and reduce stress.
But there's a developmental paradox here:
The more we do for children, the fewer opportunities they have to practice doing things for themselves.
You can't develop independence without opportunities to be independent.
You can't develop problem solving without problems to solve.
You can't develop resilience without experiencing manageable frustration.
You can't develop responsibility without actually being responsible for something.
What Can Parents Do?
The answer isn't to recreate the 1980s (although that'd be great!)
Technology isn't going away and schools aren't going back to previous expectations.
The world our children will enter as adults will be different from the one their parents entered. The goal ISN'T to eliminate modern childhood.
It is to make sure that modern childhood still contains the developmental ingredients children have always needed.
Give Kids Real Responsibilities
Children should contribute to the functioning of the household.
That might mean:
Making their beds
Feeding pets
Doing laundry
Cleaning bathrooms
Preparing meals
Taking out garbage
Washing dishes
Grocery shopping
Helping younger siblings
Managing their school materials
The point isn't having a spotless house. The point is developing the mindset:
"I am capable, and I contribute."
Let Them Work
Part-time employment can be one of the most powerful developmental experiences available to teenagers.
A job requires young people to show up on time, follow directions, communicate and work with people they didn't choose. Other areas of practice include managing money, dealing with criticism and one of my favorite's...COMPLETING TASKS WHEN UNMOTIVATED.
A teenager doesn't need a perfect résumé. Sometimes they need to learn what it means to have a boss.
Let Them Be Bored
This may be one of the hardest things for modern parents.
Your child says: "I'm bored." You don't have to fix it.
Boredom is uncomfortable
That's okay.
The goal isn't to eliminate every uncomfortable feeling. It's to help children learn that they can experience discomfort without immediately escaping it.
Eventually, boredom often leads to:
"Maybe I'll draw something."
"Maybe I'll go outside."
"Maybe I'll call a friend."
"Maybe I'll build something."
"Maybe I'll figure something out."
That transition—from "I need someone to entertain me" to "I can figure out what to do"—is developmental gold!
Protect Sleep
Sleep is foundational to learning, attention, emotional regulation and overall functioning.
Children and adolescents need adequate sleep, and modern technology can make protecting it considerably harder. Establishing reasonable technology boundaries—particularly around bedtime—can be one of the simplest ways parents can support healthy development.
Personally, my belief is that NOBODY should sleep with phones or devices in bedrooms unless they are firemen or doctors on call.
A child who is constantly tired is being asked to regulate attention, emotions and behavior while operating with fewer resources. Sometimes what looks like poor motivation is exhaustion.
Get Them Moving
Children's brains AREN'T designed to spend most of the day sitting. Physical activity provides opportunities for movement, exploration, coordination, challenge and regulation.
Kids don't necessarily need another organized sport. They need to move.
Physical activity doesn't have to be optimized. It just needs to happen.
Give Them More People and Places
One of the best ways to prepare children for adulthood is to expose them to people and environments beyond their immediate comfort zone.
Let them interact with younger children, older adults, teachers, coaches, etc. It's also especially helpful if they interact with people from different backgrounds and with different perspectives.
Children develop flexibility partly by experiencing the unfamiliar.
They learn:
"I can handle being somewhere I've never been."
Stop Confusing Comfort With Development
One of the most important shifts parents can make is recognizing that a comfortable childhood isn't necessarily the same thing as a healthy developmental childhood.
Children need safety and security; however, they also need challenges, support and responsibility.
Parents need to occasionally step back and give them opportunities to succeed on their own while listening and who can say: "I know you can handle this."
That last sentence may be one of the most powerful things a parent can say.
The Goal Isn't to Raise Children Who Never Struggle
The goal is to raise children who know what to do when they struggle.
That requires practice.
A child who has never been bored DOESN'T necessarily learn how to entertain herself.
A teenager who has never made a mistake DOESN'T necessarily learn how to recover from one.
A young person whose parents have always solved problems for him DOESN'T necessarily learn how to solve problems independently.
A teenager who has never had meaningful responsibilities DOESN'T automatically become responsible at 18.
Independence is not a switch that flips on adulthood.
It is a developmental process and the process begins with small opportunities to do things independently long before children leave home.
Give Them Back Their Childhood—Not the Childhood You Had
Parents sometimes hear discussions like this and conclude that we need to "go back."
We don't.
Our children are growing up in a different world, and they need skills previous generations didn't necessarily need.
They need:
digital literacy
and understanding of artificial intelligence
to navigate an increasingly complex information environment
to manage technology
to adapt to rapid change
But they also need many of the same experiences children have always needed.
Play
Movement
Sleep
Friends
Responsibilities
Challenges
Conversations with "real" people
Opportunities to make decision
Boredom
Making mistakes
Solving problems
They need to discover that they are capable of doing difficult things.
Kids' brains haven't changed nearly as much as their childhood environment has.
So perhaps the question isn't, "What's wrong with kids today?"
A better question is: "What experiences do today's children need more of?"
And the answer may be surprisingly simple. Give children more opportunities to do, decide, struggle, explore, move, connect, contribute and figure things out.
Because the objective isn't to prepare children for the childhood we grew up with.
It's to give them enough real-world practice to become the capable, independent and well-adjusted adults they will eventually need to be. So when your child asks why there are screen limits or why they have to go outside and play, just answer that "Kids brains haven't changed. Here's a stick, have fun!"
For more articles like this, follow www.raisingfutureadults.com or get your copy of Raising Future Adults on Amazon, Barnes & Noble or other eBook retailers
Comments