The Most Important Skills to Pay The Bills: Helping Teens and Young Adults Develop Desirable Skills to Become Successful Adults

by David Krasky, Psy.S.

Licensed School Psychologist and author of Raising Future Adults

Parents often ask, “What actually makes kids successful as adults?”The answer isn’t just grades, test scores, or college admissions. Long-term success is built on a set of transferable life skills — the abilities that help young people function independently, navigate relationships, manage stress, and adapt to change. Many in the business world call these soft skills. But for a teenager or young adult, they're the precursory abilities that are developed throughout childhood and adolescence.

In today’s world, developing these skills is harder than ever. Teens face overscheduling, intense academic pressure, constant technology access, social media comparison, and well-intentioned but sometimes over-involved parenting. The result? Many young adults arrive at adulthood academically prepared but underprepared for real life.

The good news: These skills can be intentionally built throughout adolescence with practical, everyday strategies.

The Core Skill Areas That “Pay the Bills”

1. Communication Skills

Why it matters: Success in careers, relationships, and independence relies heavily on being able to clearly express needs, ideas, and boundaries.

Teens need to learn how to:

• Speak respectfully but assertively (in person, not just online)

• Ask for help appropriately (again, in person as well as through email)

• Handle disagreement without escalation

• Communicate professionally (email, interviews, workplace conversations)

Real-Life Parent Strategies

• Let teens order their own food, schedule appointments, and speak to teachers.

• Require them to write real emails (not just texts).

• Practice role-playing tough conversations (asking for an extension, resolving conflict with a friend).

• Model calm communication during stress — kids learn tone more than words.

2. Problem Solving & Executive Functioning

Why it matters: Life is a series of problems to solve — missed deadlines, roommate conflicts, financial decisions, job setbacks.

Teens need to learn how to:

• Break problems into smaller steps (chunking can prevent feeling too overwhelmed to begin)

• Weigh options and consequences (cost - benefit analysis)

• Tolerate discomfort while figuring things out

• Recover after mistakes (teach growth mindset)

Real-Life Parent Strategies

Instead of rescuing, try the 3 Question Method:

1. What’s the problem?

2. What are three possible solutions?

3. What might happen with each choice?

Let natural consequences happen when safe. Struggle builds skill.

3. Self-Advocacy

Why it matters:

Adults must ask for raises, accommodations, help, and opportunities. No one is coming to speak for them anymore.

Teens need to learn how to:

• Understand their strengths and needs

• Ask for clarification or support

• Navigate systems (school, work, healthcare)

Real-Life Parent Strategies

• Have teens attend and speak during their own doctor or school meetings.

• If they have learning or attention needs, have them explain it to teachers themselves. It helps to have them know specific phrases such as "What really works best for me is..." or "I'm at my best when..."

• Encourage them to follow up on missed assignments — not you.

4. Emotional Regulation & Stress Tolerance (Soft Skill Superpower)

Why it matters: The workforce and adult relationships reward people who can stay steady under pressure.

Teens need to learn how to:

• Manage frustration and disappointment

• Delay gratification

• Recover after failure

• Handle criticism without shutting down

Real-Life Parent Strategies

• Name emotions out loud: “You seem overwhelmed — let’s figure out what’s causing that.”

• Normalize struggle and failure as learning tools (more growth mindset thinking)

• Avoid immediately removing stress — coach through it instead.

5. Independence & Daily Living Skills

Why it matters: Independence predicts confidence. Confidence predicts opportunity-seeking behavior.

Teens need to learn how to:

• Manage time and deadlines

• Budget and manage money

• Maintain basic living skills (laundry, food, scheduling, transportation)

Real-Life Parent Strategies

By age 16–18, teens should be practicing:

• Managing their own calendar (paper or digital)

• Handling part of their own money

• Doing routine household responsibilities without reminders

• Navigating transportation independently (when safe)

Modern Barriers to Skill Development (And How to Work Around Them)

🚧 Overscheduling

Problem: No time for boredom → No time for problem solving

Solution: Protect unstructured time. Boredom builds creativity and initiative.

🚧 Higher Academic Expectations

Problem: Kids become performance machines, not life learners

Solution: Praise effort, resilience, and initiative — not just outcomes.

🚧 Helicopter Parenting

Problem: Removes struggle → Removes growth

Solution: Shift from Manager → Consultant → Observer as kids age.

Ask instead of fix.

🚧 Technology & Social Media Dependence

Problem:

• Reduces face-to-face communication skill building

• Increases comparison anxiety

• Reduces frustration tolerance

Solution:

• Require real-world responsibilities tied to privileges

• Encourage real-world social experiences (jobs, volunteering, group activities)

• Teach intentional tech use, not just restriction

Developmental Roadmap: What Skills to Emphasize When

Early Adolescence (11–14)

Focus on:

• Responsibility routines

• Emotional vocabulary (more advanced terms like overwhelmed, uncomfortable, frustrated, etc.)

• Basic problem solving

Parents do: Guide heavily but ask questions first (e.g., "What's your plan to accomplish _____?")

Mid Adolescence (15–17)

Focus on:

• Real-world communication

• Independent scheduling

• Handling natural consequences

Parents do: Step back from daily management.

Late Adolescence / Young Adult (18–25)

Focus on:

• Financial decisions

• Workplace behavior

• Self-advocacy in systems

• Long-term planning

Parents do: Act as sounding board, not problem solver.

The Mindset Shift Parents Need

The goal is not raising a perfect teen.The goal is raising a capable adult.

That means asking:

• Can my child function without me?

• Can they recover from mistakes?

• Can they navigate people, stress, and systems?

Success in adulthood is less about knowing the right answers and more about knowing how to function when you don’t know the answer.

Final Thought

The skills that “pay the bills” are not built in classrooms alone. They are built in:

• Missed alarms

• Awkward conversations

• First jobs

• Mistakes

• Small failures

• Problem solving moments parents choose not to take away

When parents shift from protecting kids from life to preparing kids for life, we give them something far more valuable than achievement:

We give them capability.

Read more at www.raisingfutureadults.com