How to Talk to Your Child About Their Disability

Written by Licensed School Psychologist and author of Raising Future Adults, David Krasky, Psy.S.

Raising a child with a disability — whether diagnosed or still being understood — opens up important emotional moments with your child. As a school psychologist, I want to help you approach these conversations with clarity, compassion, and confidence. Every child is different, and no single script fits all, but what follows gives you a framework to build on, with practical language you can use with preschoolers to teens, plus resources and support options that can empower your family.

Why This Talk Matters

Children are already thinking about who they are. If they suspect they’re “different” — or if they’re starting therapy, school services, or medication — they need clear, honest, and age-appropriate explanations. Giving them words helps them make sense of their experiences and feel safe talking to you.

Talking to Young Children (Ages 3–7)

Simple, Reassuring Language

At this age, keep it concrete and positive:

• “Your brain works in its own special way.”

• “Some people need extra help with paying attention, talking, learning, or handling big feelings. That’s okay — and I’m here with you.”

• “Everyone has things they’re good at and things that are harder — and we learn how to use tools to help.”

Explain the Disability Simply

• ADHD: “Your brain makes it hard to sit still or focus sometimes — like having a super-strong wind inside you. We’re learning ways to help you focus that wind.”

• Autism: “Your brain notices the world in a very detailed way. Some things feel big or loud, and that’s just part of how your brain works.”

• Learning Disorder: “Some parts of learning feel like a big puzzle. We’re finding the puzzle pieces that help it make sense.”

• Mood Disorder (anxiety/depression): “Sometimes your feelings get really big and heavy, and we’re finding ways to help your heart feel lighter.”

Focus on Safety and Support

Young kids need trust:“If you ever wonder about something, you can always ask me. There’s no silly question.”

Talking to School-Age Children (Ages 8–12)

Give Clearer Explanations

At this stage, children can handle a bit more detail.

• Name the disability: “You’ve been diagnosed with ADHD. That means your brain pays attention differently than some kids’ brains.”

• Describe it as a difference, not a flaw: “It doesn’t mean you’re broken — it means we learn and think differently.”

Connect to Real Experiences

Ask together:

• “What do you notice that’s harder for you?”

• “What’s something that feels good or easy?”

Then say:

• “Your strengths matter — and we’re learning tools for the things that are tough.”

Empower Their Participation

Ask:

• “Do you want to use this strategy in class?”

• “What helps you calm down when you’re overwhelmed?”

  
  

This autonomy builds confidence.

Talking to Teenagers and Young Adults

Be Direct, Respectful, and Collaborative

Teens need respect and control over their own narrative:

• “Your diagnosis is part of your story — not the whole story.”

• “Let’s talk about how this affects school, friendships, and future goals.”

• “What supports do you feel help you the most?”

Validate Emotions

Teens often feel misunderstood or different from peers. Say:

• “It makes sense that you feel frustrated sometimes.”

• “Your feelings are real, and we’ll work with them, not against them.”

Answering Common Questions Kids Might Ask

Here are practical ways to answer questions in understandable terms:

Q: “Why am I different from my friends?”A: “Everyone’s brain is unique — yours just works in a way that sometimes needs extra help. That’s okay.”

Q: “Will I always have this?”A: “This is part of how your brain works right now. We’ll keep learning and building skills to help you grow.”

Q: “Is there something wrong with me?”A: “Nothing is wrong with you. You just have different needs — like someone who wears glasses to see.”

General Principles for These Conversations

1. Use Strength-Based Language

Phrase differences as variations, not deficiencies. Terms like "other things are easier for you" or "let's focus on what you're really good at."

2. Be Honest — But Age-Appropriate

Young children need simplicity; teens need depth.

3. Repeat the Conversation

This is not a one-time talk. Check in often.

4. Listen More Than You Lecture

Let your child express their experience.

Support for You: Resources and Associations

Families benefit from community, education, and advocacy. Here are trusted places to find information, support groups, and local/state contacts in the U.S.:

National Resources

CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder): Education, advocacy, support groups, and national hotline.

Child Mind Institute: Articles, videos, and guides on ADHD, learning disorders, and emotional challenges.

Learning Disabilities Association of America (LDA): Parent support, state affiliates, advocacy, and local contacts.

Autism Society/AACAP Autism Resources: Local chapters and directories to find support and services.

Wrong Planet: Online community for neurodivergent individuals and families.

State & Local Support

Most states have:

Developmental Disabilities Councils: Advocacy and local programs.

School district special education services: Free evaluations and individualized plans.

Local nonprofits and parent networks: Groups tailored to specific communities and diagnoses.

Tip: Start with your state’s affiliate of national organizations (like LDA of Florida, Ohio, etc.) for community and events.

Support Groups for Parents and Families

Peer support can reduce isolation and help with coping skills:

Parent to Parent USA: Matches you with a trained peer for one-on-one support.

NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness): Family support groups for caregivers of children with mood disorders and mental health challenges.

ADHD support groups through CHADD offer local and online connections.

Final Thoughts

Talking about disability with your child can feel daunting, but honest, compassionate communication builds trust and self-understanding. You are not alone — there is a network of professionals, advocates, and other families who share this journey. With the right words, supports, and ongoing dialogue, you can help your child embrace who they are and equip them with tools to thrive.

David Krasky is a licensed school psychologist and author of Raising Future Adults