Did we just become best friends? YEP!

We are social creatures. Since the beginning of mankind, societies have existed as groups of people for both physical and emotional survival. We are hardwired to connect with each other. Although it is easier to connect with people because of advancements in technology, air travel and highways, studies continue to show rises in loneliness. 

A web-based survey found that out of 55,000 people, 40% of people aged 16 to 24 years reported loneliness as compared to 27% of people older than 75 years (National Institute of Health). Loneliness is also shown to be directly associated with mental health issues and is often the cause of mental health problems. It is also shown to increase the risk of heart diseases and other physical illnesses. While most people need some alone time, the problem arises if loneliness persists in the long-term, at which point it can result in the altering of neurobiological and behavioral patterns. 

The researchers Cacioppo and Hawkley theorize about a self-enforcing loop of chronic loneliness, leading to an increase in hypervigilance and cognitive bias toward social threat, thus creating hostile behavior toward social interaction. Psychological interventions for overcoming loneliness have proven to work if the target areas are changing malad

aptive social perception, increasing social contact, increasing opportunities for social interaction, and improving social interaction and interpersonal skills.

Let’s break these areas down into some easy-to-use steps:

1. In Person or Digital: Whether it is in-person initiation or engaging with others online, just pick one and start there. Don’t wait until someone starts talking to you. When helping teens or young adults, it is always easier when there is a shared interest or activity. Sports leagues (noncompetitive), local concerts, even youth groups are great opportunities for teens and young adults to meet like-minded peers. 

   1. Useful tip - Look at what the person is wearing, playing or listening to in order to find an easy way to initiate. Are they wearing a band T-shirt, playing a video game or listening to music you recognize? 

2. Start small: If your teen or young adult doesn’t know what to say, teach the 3-second rule. Have them count to three in their head and just say “hey.” Since I’m considered an old man by most teens (especially my own), they can even just give a head nod or hand gesture to say “what’s up.” If this is too easy, have them add a compliment or question that is relevant to the situation. “Nice shirt, this place kind of sucks, man this is awkward” are all great ice breakers that are easy to deliver. 

3. Everybody is uncomfortable: Remind your teens and young adults that they aren’t the only ones finding these situations stressful. If they can have the mindset that everyone is as nervous as them, it will ease their own anxiety thus leading to more engagement and less avoidance. 

4. Pare down from the group: Many teens and young adults are in group chats with whom they may be close with one or two members of the chat. Make sure they are staying engaged in the chat and use humor and active listening by following up with people when they share something personal. After a few weeks, they’ll be able to determine who else shares similar interests and humor. 

Loneliness is considered a health epidemic but hardly gets the attention it deserves. While the focus remains on mental health issues like anxiety and depression, loneliness gets lost in the mix. This is unfortunate because loneliness can be combated by some simple, consistent habits, an emphasis on connecting with others through shared experiences and family members who support your social engagement and connectivity. 

David Krasky is a licensed school psychologist and author of the book Raising Future Adults which can be purchased on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and other online retailers.

References

Understanding Loneliness in Younger People: Review of the Opportunities and Challenges for Loneliness Interventions