Is What Your Child Watches Online Changing Who They Are? 10 Warning Signs Every Parent Should Know
Updated: Oct 10
By David Krasky, Psy.S. | Licensed School Psychologist and Author of Raising Future Adults
Your child may spend hours watching YouTube videos, scrolling through TikTok, playing online games, or following social media influencers. You may know which apps they use and how much time they spend online.
But do you know what they are learning from the content they consume—and how it may be influencing their behavior, relationships, self-esteem, and emotional development?
Today's children and teenagers are growing up in a digital environment that extends far beyond entertainment. Online videos, influencers, gaming communities, and social media algorithms can influence how young people view themselves, interpret relationships, manage emotions, and decide what is acceptable behavior.
As a licensed school psychologist who has spent more than 20 years working with children, adolescents, young adults, and families, I encourage parents to look BEYOND screen time. The more important question is whether a child's online experiences are helping them develop into a confident, emotionally healthy, responsible young adult—or reinforcing patterns that may interfere with that development.
The goal is NOT to assume that everything online is harmful. Digital media can educate, entertain, inspire, and connect young people with supportive communities. The goal is to recognize when online content begins to negatively influence a child's development and to help them develop the judgment and independence necessary to navigate the digital world safely.
Why Parents Need to Pay Attention to What Their Children Watch
Children and teenagers are still developing the emotional regulation, critical-thinking skills, impulse control, and relationship skills needed to evaluate the messages they encounter online. At the same time, many social media platforms use recommendation algorithms that continually present new content based on a user's previous activity. A teenager who watches a few videos about fitness, dating, or masculinity may begin receiving a steady stream of similar material, sometimes with increasingly extreme messages.
A 2025 Common Sense Media report, Boys in the Digital Wild: Online Culture, Identity, and Well-Being, surveyed more than 1,000 boys ages 11–17. Researchers found that 73% regularly encountered online content related to masculinity, including messages about building muscle, making money, dating, fighting, and gender roles. Among boys who encountered this content, 68% reported that it appeared in their feeds without them actively searching for it. That means that the longer they allowed those videos to play, the greater chances the algorithm feeds them more of it.
The report also found associations between greater exposure to masculinity-related content and the following:
loneliness
lower self-esteem
greater reluctance to express vulnerability
These findings do NOT mean that online content inevitably harms boys. They demonstrate why parents should pay attention to the messages their children receive, including messages that children may not intentionally seek out. (Source: Common Sense Media, 2025)
10 Warning Signs That Online Content May Be Influencing Your Child
One behavior or mood change does not necessarily indicate a problem with internet use. Adolescence naturally involves experimentation, emotional ups and downs, and changes in friendships and interests. Parents should pay particular attention to patterns that persist, intensify, or interfere with daily functioning.
1. Your Child's Attitude Toward Others Is Changing
Has your child become more disrespectful, dismissive, aggressive, or intolerant toward other people? Online videos sometimes portray humiliation, intimidation, cruelty, or manipulation as funny, entertaining, or a sign of social status. Gaming communities and influencer content may also normalize insulting others, using discriminatory language, or treating relationships as competitions for power.
Watch for changes such as:
Making increasingly cruel jokes at another person's expense
Using misogynistic, racist, homophobic, or demeaning language
Treating disrespect as harmless because it is supposedly a joke
Showing less empathy when someone is embarrassed, excluded, or hurt
Repeating an influencer's insulting comments or attitudes toward other people
What parents can do: Ask your child to consider how the person on the receiving end might feel. Discuss the difference between humor that brings people together and humor that depends on humiliating someone else. Help your child understand that popularity, entertainment value, and online approval do not determine whether behavior is appropriate.
2. Your Child's Understanding of Dating, Consent, and Boundaries Is Changing
Online content can shape how young people understand attraction, romantic relationships, sexuality, and gender roles. Some creators offer healthy relationship advice, while others promote manipulation, jealousy, control, or the belief that persistence should override another person's wishes.
Pay attention if your child:
Treats a refusal as a challenge rather than a boundary (No means no)
Believes someone is entitled to attention, affection, or sexual contact
Makes jokes about sexual harassment or unwanted touching
Shares, requests, or forwards intimate images WITHOUT considering consent
Describes controlling behavior as proof of love ("If she cares about me, she wouldn't wear that/ignore me/go out with her friends/etc.")
Believes that respecting boundaries makes someone weak or less masculine
These behaviors deserve attention regardless of whether they originated online, through peers, or elsewhere.
What parents can do: Talk explicitly about consent, privacy, and respect. Explain that consent must be freely given and CAN BE withdrawn. Teach children that a person's clothing, relationship status, previous behavior, or online presence NEVER creates an entitlement to physical contact. Discuss what to do when a friend makes an inappropriate comment or crosses a boundary.
For younger children, begin with personal space, permission, and respecting the word "no." For teenagers, expand the conversation to dating, sexual pressure, digital images, peer influence, and intervening safely when someone is mistreated.
3. Your Child Becomes More Withdrawn, Irritable, or Emotionally Reactive
Online experiences can influence emotional functioning in different ways. Some children become upset and overwhelmed by social comparison, online rejection, cyberbullying, or pressure to maintain a particular image. Others may become increasingly irritable when asked to stop gaming or scrolling.
Look for changes such as:
More frequent anger, frustration, or emotional outbursts
Becoming unusually defensive when asked about what they are doing online
Appearing anxious after checking messages or social media
Losing interest in previously enjoyable activities
Becoming less willing to discuss feelings or ask for help
Experiencing a noticeable change in mood after using particular apps
These signs are NOT proof that online content is responsible. Anxiety, depression, school stress, family conflict, and other developmental concerns can produce similar changes.
What parents can do: Look for patterns. Does your child seem distressed after using a particular platform, interacting with specific peers, or viewing certain material? Ask open-ended questions without assuming you already know the answer. (e.g., "Are there any things going on that are making you feel more stressed out?") If changes persist or interfere with everyday life, consider consulting a qualified mental health professional.
4. Your Child Becomes Preoccupied With Appearance, Muscularity, or Status
Social media often presents carefully selected images of attractive, rich, muscular, or apparently successful people. Influencers may portray their bodies, lifestyles, relationships, and accomplishments as standards that others should achieve (think body count - how many sexual partners a guy has had).
For some young people, this creates unrealistic expectations and a persistent sense of inadequacy.
Warning signs include:
Frequently criticizing their own appearance
Becoming preoccupied with muscle size, weight, skin, or facial features
Comparing themselves unfavorably with influencers
Exercising excessively or expressing anxiety about missing workouts
Seeking supplements or products based on influencer recommendations WITHOUT appropriate guidance
Equating physical appearance or wealth with personal worth
Boys CAN experience significant body-image pressures, just as girls can.
What parents can do: Emphasize health, strength, effort, and personal growth rather than appearance alone. Help children recognize that online images may be edited, staged, filtered, or commercially motivated. Discuss how influencers earn money and why their recommendations may not always reflect reliable information.
5. Your Child Has Increasing Difficulty Managing Frustration
Some online environments reward impulsivity, aggressive reactions, constant stimulation, or immediate gratification. Others provide opportunities to practice teamwork, persistence, and problem-solving. The important question is whether your child's overall ability to tolerate frustration and manage impulses is improving or deteriorating.
Look for:
Difficulty accepting losing or making mistakes
Intense reactions when a game or device is taken away
Increased impatience with ordinary responsibilities
Quitting challenging tasks quickly (low frustration tolerance)
Becoming verbally aggressive when frustrated
Expecting immediate rewards or entertainment throughout the day
What parents can do: Establish predictable boundaries around technology and help your child practice coping with frustration. Encourage activities that require patience, persistence, and delayed gratification, such as sports, cooking, music, reading, and age-appropriate household responsibilities.
Remember that difficulty stopping an activity can reflect habit, sleep deprivation, developmental vulnerabilities, or problematic use—not necessarily a lack of motivation or respect.
6. Your Child's Sleep, School Performance, or Daily Responsibilities Are Worsening
One of the clearest reasons to reassess digital habits is when online activities interfere with essential daily functioning.
Parents should pay attention to:
Staying up late watching videos or gaming
Difficulty waking up for school
Declining concentration or academic performance
Avoiding homework, chores, or other responsibilities
Skipping exercise or abandoning offline interests
Becoming chronically tired or more emotionally reactive
The concern is not simply how many hours a child spends online. It is whether technology is impacting sleep, physical activity, schoolwork, relationships, and opportunities to develop independence.
What parents can do: Create a family technology plan that protects sleep and responsibilities. Consider charging devices OUTSIDE BEDROOMS overnight, establishing predictable stopping times, and setting expectations for completing responsibilities BEFORE recreational screen use.
Whenever possible, involve children in developing the plan so they learn to manage their own habits rather than relying entirely on parental enforcement. It has also been shown that including them in the decision making process increases their willingness to follow it.
7. Your Child Begins Repeating an Influencer's Beliefs Without Questioning Them
Influencers can become important sources of advice, identity, and belonging during the teenage years. A creator who appears confident, entertaining, or successful may be especially persuasive. The concern is NOT that a teenager admires someone. It is whether the teenager begins accepting that person's claims WITHOUT evaluating the evidence or considering alternative perspectives.
Warning signs include:
Repeating extreme statements about men, women, relationships, or success
Rejecting disagreement as proof that other people are ignorant or weak
Believing that wealth, dominance, physical appearance, or popularity determines human worth
Treating an influencer as the only trustworthy source of advice
Making major decisions based on online claims WITHOUT checking their accuracy
What parents can do: Teach media literacy rather than simply attacking the influencer.
Ask:
What evidence supports this claim?
Is the creator trying to sell something?
Who benefits if you believe this message?
What might someone with a different experience say?
These questions help children develop independent judgment, an essential skill for adulthood.
8. Your Child's Friendships and Offline Relationships Are Suffering
Online communities can provide genuine friendship and belonging. However, digital interaction becomes more concerning when it consistently replaces meaningful relationships or exposes children to harmful social dynamics.
Watch for:
Increasing isolation from family and longstanding friends
Conflict related to group chats, online rumors, or social exclusion
Anxiety about being left out of online conversations
Persistent bullying or harassment through games or social media
A preference for online approval over face-to-face connection
Losing confidence in forming or maintaining friendships in real life
What parents can do: Make room for real-world connection without dismissing the friendships your child has formed online. Encourage shared meals, extracurricular activities, sports, volunteering, and time with trusted peers. Ask whether online interactions leave your child feeling connected OR more alone.
The objective is NOT to eliminate digital friendships. It is to ensure that children have opportunities to develop the communication, empathy, and conflict-resolution skills that support healthy relationships throughout life.
9. Your Child Is Encountering Sexual, Violent, or Otherwise Disturbing Content
Children can encounter pornography, graphic violence, self-harm content, dangerous challenges, gambling promotions, or other disturbing material intentionally or through recommendations and peer sharing.
Exposure DOES NOT automatically mean that a child approves of the material or will imitate it. However, repeated exposure, distress, secrecy, coercion, or encouragement to participate in harmful activities deserves attention.
Look for:
New sexualized language or behavior
References to violent or dangerous online challenges
Distress following online interactions
Requests for secrecy from unfamiliar people online
Pressure to share intimate pictures or personal information
Content that encourages self-harm, disordered eating, or harm to others
What parents can do: Respond calmly and ask what happened. Avoid shaming a child for coming upon content, particularly when exposure was accidental. Review privacy settings, content restrictions, and reporting tools. Explain that children can come to you for help WITHOUT automatically losing all their privacy or access to technology.
If there is evidence of exploitation, coercion, threats, or immediate danger, prioritize safety and seek appropriate professional or law-enforcement assistance.
10. Your Child Seems Less Like Themselves
Perhaps the most important warning sign is a sustained change in your child's overall functioning. A previously social child may become isolated. A generally confident teenager may become intensely self-critical. A caring child may begin displaying unusual cruelty. A responsible student may lose interest in school and activities that they used to care about.
Parents often notice these changes before they can explain them.
Rather than immediately blaming social media, consider the broader picture:
sleep
friendships
school demands
family stress
mental health
developmental changes
digital experiences
What parents can do: Begin with connection. Tell your child what you have noticed WITHOUT labeling or accusing them. Ask what has been difficult for them lately and whether anything online has affected how they feel about themselves or others.
When a change is persistent, severe, or significantly interferes with functioning, seek an evaluation from an appropriate mental health professional.
How Can Parents Find Out What Their Children Are Watching?
Parents DO NOT need to become digital detectives. They DO need to remain engaged in their children's online lives.
1. Ask specific, open-ended questions
Instead of asking, "Are you watching anything inappropriate?" try questions such as:
What creators or channels have you been watching lately?
What kinds of videos does your feed keep recommending?
Have you seen anything online that made you feel uncomfortable or angry?
What do the people you watch say about relationships and dating?
Have you ever seen a video that made you feel like you weren't good enough?
Have you seen anyone being bullied or treated disrespectfully online?
These questions invite conversation rather than a defensive response.
2. Ask your child to show you their digital world
When appropriate, invite your child to share a favorite video, creator, game, or online community. Watching together can reveal more than asking for a list of apps.
Stay curious. Ask what they enjoy about the content, what they think about its message, and whether they agree with the creator.
For younger teenagers, the American Psychological Association recommends ongoing adult monitoring, discussion, and coaching around social media content, balanced with appropriate privacy. As young people demonstrate stronger judgment and digital literacy, parents can gradually increase their autonomy.
3. Understand how recommendations work
Ask your child what appears in their feed and whether recommendations have changed over time. Explore how viewing, searching, liking, and sharing content may influence future recommendations. Help children understand that seeing a message repeatedly DOES NOT make it accurate, healthy, or universally accepted.
4. Use parental controls as one part of a broader strategy
Age-appropriate content restrictions, privacy settings, device limits, and purchase controls can reduce exposure to certain risks. However, NO technical safeguard can replace conversations about values, consent, relationships, and responsible decision-making.
GOAL = combine reasonable supervision with the gradual development of self-regulation and independence.
Five Conversations That Help Children Become More Digitally Responsible
Rather than focusing exclusively on what children should not watch, parents can use online experiences to teach skills they will need as adults.
Conversation 1: Respect and empathy
"How do you think that person felt when the creator made fun of them? Would it be acceptable to treat someone that way in person?"
Conversation 2: Consent and boundaries
"What should someone do when another person says no? Does liking someone mean you are entitled to their attention?"
Conversation 3: Self-esteem and comparison
"Do you think the people you watch show their whole lives, or just the parts they want others to see? How do you feel after watching their content?"
Conversation 4: Critical thinking
"What makes you trust this person? How could you tell whether their advice is accurate? Are they trying to sell you something?"
Conversation 5: Emotional regulation
"What do you notice about your mood after spending time online? Are there certain activities that help you feel better and others that leave you feeling stressed or frustrated?"
These conversations teach children to reflect on their experiences rather than simply obey restrictions.
When Should Parents Be Concerned Enough to Seek Professional Help?
Consider consulting a pediatrician, psychologist, or other qualified mental health professional when changes in mood, behavior, relationships, or daily functioning persist or worsen.
Examples include:
Sustained anxiety, sadness, irritability, or social withdrawal
Significant declines in school performance or daily functioning
Persistent sleep disruption or inability to disengage from online activities
Repeated aggressive, coercive, or sexually inappropriate behavior
Signs of bullying, exploitation, or significant distress related to online interactions
Expressions of hopelessness, self-harm, or suicidal thoughts
If your child expresses suicidal intent or appears to be in immediate danger, seek emergency assistance rather than waiting for a routine appointment (Call 911, 988 or take your child to the nearest hospital with a behavioral health unit)
It is also important to remember that online content may be a contributing factor, a symptom of an existing difficulty, or simply one part of a more complex situation. A professional assessment can help clarify what is happening and identify appropriate support.
Raising Future Adults in a Digital World
Raising independent, well-adjusted young adults requires more than protecting children from every possible risk. It requires teaching them to recognize risks, make informed decisions, manage emotions, respect boundaries, and take responsibility for their actions.
Digital media is now part of the environment in which children develop these skills. Parents CANNOT control every message their children encounter, but they CAN influence how children interpret those messages and what they choose to do with them.
The most effective approach combines
Connection
Openly communicating with your child through curiosity, not judgement
Clear Expectations
Clear boundaries and consequences if boundaries are violated
Opportunities for Growing Independence
They can only improve with practice
Age-Appropriate Supervision
The younger they are, the more there should be
When parents remain involved WITHOUT becoming overly controlling, children are more likely to learn that they can ask questions, acknowledge mistakes, and seek guidance when something online makes them uncomfortable.
Ultimately, the goal is NOT to raise children who need their parents to monitor every screen. It is to raise young adults who can think critically, regulate their emotions, treat others respectfully, and make responsible decisions—even when their parents are not there to guide them.
About the Author
David Krasky, Psy.S., is a licensed school psychologist with more than 20 years of experience working with children, adolescents, young adults, and families. He is the author of Raising Future Adults, a parenting guide focused on developing the independence, life skills, emotional maturity, and problem-solving abilities children need to become capable, well-adjusted adults.
Learn more at www.raisingfutureadults.com
Comments