From Flight, Fight, or Freeze to Moving Forward: Helping Teens and Young Adults Take the Necessary Steps into Their First Jobs
- David Krasky
- 3 days ago
- 5 min read
by author and Licensed School Psychologist, David Krasky, Psy.S.
One of the most common statements I hear from teenagers, college students, and young adults is surprisingly simple:
“What if I choose the wrong job?” or “career” or “major”….
That question often sounds reasonable on the surface, but underneath it is something much more powerful: anxiety.
For many young people, entering the workforce has become less about taking a first step and more about believing they must identify the perfect career before taking any step at all. As a result, they become stuck in what psychologists often refer to as the fight, flight, or freeze response.
Some fight by endlessly debating every career possibility. Others flee by avoiding job applications altogether. Many simply freeze—unable to send resumes, attend interviews, or make decisions despite wanting independence.
The irony is that the search for the “right job” often prevents them from finding any job.
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Anxiety Has Changed the Way Many Young Adults Approach Work
Today’s teenagers and young adults have grown up during an era of unprecedented uncertainty. They have experienced COVID-19 disruptions, rapid technological change, economic instability, social media comparisons, and increasing messages that every career decision will determine the rest of their lives.
Research consistently shows that career uncertainty is common among today’s students.
Recent surveys from the National Association of Colleges and Employers (NACE) found that graduates facing a more difficult labor market submitted significantly more applications, began searching earlier, and reported greater uncertainty about their post-graduation plans than previous graduating classes. Even with internships and strong academic preparation, many students remained unsure about their futures.
This uncertainty often fuels several unhelpful beliefs:
“I have to find my forever career.”
“If I make the wrong decision, I’ll ruin my future.”
“Everyone else already knows what they want.”
“I should wait until I feel completely confident.”
Unfortunately, anxiety loves certainty—and adulthood rarely provides it.
The Myth of the Perfect First Job
One of the healthiest mindset shifts parents and therapists can encourage is remarkably simple:
Your first job is almost certainly not your last job.
In fact, most adults today change jobs multiple times during their careers, and many eventually work in fields unrelated to their original college majors. Career development research consistently shows that careers evolve through experience rather than perfect planning.
Your first position is not a life sentence.
It is data.
Every job teaches something valuable:
What type of manager motivates you.
Whether you enjoy working independently or on a team.
Whether you thrive in structure or flexibility.
Whether you prefer helping people, solving problems, creating ideas, or managing projects.
What workplace cultures bring out your best.
You cannot discover these lessons by thinking about work. You discover them by working.
From Emotional Thinking to Practical Thinking
Anxiety tends to ask emotional questions:
“What if I hate it?”
“What if I fail?”
“What if everyone is better than me?”
“What if I disappoint people?”
Healthy adult thinking asks different questions:
“What can I learn?”
“What skills will I develop?”
“Does this move me one step forward?”
“Will this experience make my next opportunity easier to obtain?”
Notice the difference. The goal shifts from finding certainty to building momentum.
Parents Can Accidentally Increase Career Anxiety
Parents naturally want the best for their children.
Unfortunately, many unintentionally reinforce perfectionism by asking questions like:
“Is this really what you want to do forever?”
“Will this career make enough money?”
“Are you sure this is the right decision?”
These questions, although well-intentioned, imply that there is one correct answer.
Instead, consider asking:
“What might you learn there?”
“Who could mentor you?”
“Does this help you become more independent?”
“What skills would transfer to your next job?”
“What would make this a worthwhile experience, even if you only stay a year?”
These conversations reduce pressure while encouraging thoughtful exploration.
Therapists Can Help Reduce the Freeze Response
Many young adults experiencing failure-to-launch symptoms are not lazy.
They are overwhelmed.
Therapy should focus on gradually reducing avoidance while increasing confidence through action.
Helpful interventions include:
Breaking the job search into very small behavioral steps.
Find a sample resume to use as a reference
Look up 5 potential jobs in your area
Ask 2 friends about their job experiences
Practicing interviews through role-playing.
Challenging perfectionistic thoughts using cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).
Encouraging exposure to manageable uncertainty rather than waiting for confidence.
Celebrating completed actions rather than perfect outcomes.
Confidence usually follows experience—not the other way around.
A Healthy Work Environment Often Matters More Than the “Perfect” Job
Many young adults focus almost exclusively on salary or job title.
Those factors matter—but they are not the only predictors of long-term satisfaction.
A healthy workplace often provides:
Supportive supervisors
Respectful coworkers
Opportunities for learning
Psychological safety
Clear expectations
Constructive feedback
Work-life balance
Young adults frequently underestimate how much positive colleagues can influence confidence, resilience, and professional growth. A job that pays slightly less but provides excellent mentorship may produce greater long-term career success than a higher-paying position with poor leadership.
Think Beyond the Job Title
Instead of asking, “What career should I have?”, encourage young adults to ask broader lifestyle questions.
For example:
Where do I want to live?
Large city?
Small town?
Rural community?
Near family?
Somewhere new?
What type of daily routine fits me?
Predictable schedule?
Variety every day?
Office environment?
Outdoors?
Hybrid or remote work?
How much social interaction do I enjoy?
Working with customers?
Collaborating with teams?
Independent work?
Small groups?
How important is travel?
Home every evening?
Occasional travel?
Frequent travel?
International opportunities?
What pace energizes me?
Fast-moving environment?
Steady routine?
High pressure?
Calm and structured?
What kind of impact do I want?
Helping people?
Solving technical problems?
Building things?
Teaching?
Creating?
Leading?
These questions often produce clearer career direction than simply searching online for “best careers.”
Movement Creates Clarity
One of the greatest misconceptions about career development is that clarity comes first. In reality, movement creates clarity.
The student who accepts an internship learns more than the student who spends six months researching internships.
The young adult who works in retail develops communication skills that transfer to healthcare, business, education, sales, management, and entrepreneurship.
The graduate who accepts an entry-level position begins building a professional network while the person waiting for the perfect opportunity often remains exactly where they started.
Progress almost always beats perfection.
Helping Young Adults Move Forward
Parents, therapists, educators, and mentors should remember that the goal is not helping young people find a flawless career.
The goal is helping them become adaptable adults.
Successful adults are rarely those who never made mistakes.
They are the ones who learned from each experience, adjusted course, built relationships, and continued moving forward.
The first job is not the destination. It is simply the beginning of a much larger journey.
When we replace fear with curiosity, perfection with progress, and certainty with flexibility, young adults begin to see what adulthood has always offered: not a single predetermined path, but countless opportunities to learn, grow, and build a meaningful life one step at a time.
Find more articles like this in Raising Future Adults by Licensed School Psychologist, David Krasky
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