Teaching Your Kids How Anxiety Can Be More of a Friend than an Enemy

Nobody wants to feel anxious. Especially kids. But by shifting our view of anxiety from one of a friend that we didn't expect (or want to drop by) instead of a boogie man that only grows the more we fear it, we can help them learn to cope with their nervousness until it eventually goes away. Much like the intrusive neighbor, anxiety sometimes shows up unexpectedly and usually doesn't go away until he causes a lot of discomfort. The goal in most therapies is not to eradicate anxiety from every rearing its head again. It's not cancer. It is an emotion that sometimes can be very useful and shouldn't be viewed as good or bad. There are no good or bad feelings, just emotional reactions to thoughts, behaviors and other triggers.

Here are some great ways to start changing the way you talk about anxiety when dealing with your own or your child's:

1. Education. Start by teaching your children that humans evolved to experience anxiety to help us survive. It is only more recently that it is triggered by non-life threatening events like a test, meeting new people or sleeping alone. Teach your children that it is just an alarm system that sometimes goes off when your brain or body feel threatened and that it's there to help, even if you don't need it in that moment. It is in that way much like a friend that you didn't invite over but wants to hang out anyway.

2. Lean In. Much research has shown that the more children (and adults) try to fight anxiety, the more intense it becomes. Instead, have your children learn to accept that they are very anxious and that like all other feelings, it will eventually go away. By denying or not accepting that you are anxious, it will not only stick around but intensify and last longer

3. Breathe. There are dozens of great strategies you can practice with your children that allow them to cope with their anxiety until it dissipates. Just do one google search on "best coping skills for anxiety" and you'll find anything from mindful practices like mindful breathing and progressive muscle relaxation to yoga poses and problem solving activities.

4. Practice, practice, practice. Children shouldn't wait to use any new techniques when they are anxious but should take the mindset of an athlete or performer. The more you practice these strategies when you are not anxious, the better you'll be at benefiting from these strategies when the game, or in this case, extreme anxiety, arises. Even five minutes a day can help solidify life-long coping skills.

Anxiety feels bad and most children equate anything that feels bad with something they should avoid or be scared of when it appears. This is one of the first problems we should begin to address. Shift the view of anxiety from one of a monster to run away from to a friend or neighbor that means well, just isn't invited to come over. If we let the friend or neighbor hang out a little instead of not letting him in, he'll eventually leave. While he's over we can cope with him so that next time he shows up, he's a little less annoying.